Sunday, April 19, 2009


After months of training and eating like a teenager, I successfully did what I set out to accomplish: I entered the Sun Run and was able to completely wipe out my time from last year. Last year, 57 minutes, 58 seconds. This year, under 50 minutes. I attribute this to several factors, including my training, the challenge I put out to my coworkers (that I would personally pour coffee for them if they could beat my fastest time), proper nutrition, and equal balance of training and rest (although going drinking with my buddies the night before might've been a bad idea). But the biggest factor was that I made sure my bowels and bladder were evacuated prior to running.

The same cannot be said for this poor chap who I encountered on the Burrard Street Bridge who had a very distinctive brown wet spot that extended to his knees. At first I thought he was some homeless guy who somehow stumbled onto the Sun Run, but when I took a quick look at him, he had a Sun Run registration number pinned to his shirt. The overwhelming stench of fecal matter encouraged me to run a little faster. This alone probably allowed me to shave 5 or 10 seconds off my final time.

It's not completely unheard of for triathalon athletes to lose control of bodily functions while in the middle of a run and he did have an extremely dazed expression on his face, suggesting that he was really not doing well. However, this was only 2km into a 10km run and this guy was walking. The fact that he was wearing jeans strongly indicates that he was very unprepared for the Sun Run and probably shouldn't have been on there in the first place.

I have no idea what was going through this guy's head (although we already can guess what went through his pants). Rest stops were spaced out at fairly reasonable intervals, and even still, he could've found some bushes or a dumpster somewhere.

But really, I do feel for the guy. Sentient and civilized control of our bodily wastes is one of the few things that separate us from animals. But even when we have our occasional little slip ups, we do whatever we can to keep them hidden. Heck, even dropping out of the race to go find a cheap pair of pants and then a public washroom to clean up would be the most logical solution, but not for this guy.

Maybe he's just the most stubborn Sun Runner in existence.

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