Postcards from Puerto Vallarta: Your Mileage May Vary


Four-and-a-half-hour flight and she still couldn't solve it.


Where the f*** is my luggage?!


Acrobatics on the beach


Nightclubbing at Christie.


Punchbuggy white!


GET TO DA CHOPPA!


One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.


Touchdown in Vancouver. It was raining. No surprise.

After 8 days and 7 nights in Puerto Vallarta, I have the most awesome tan and a liver with the consistency of paté, and I'm pretty frickin' broke right now. Pretty much my first vacation in several years, it gave the opportunity to just cut loose and enjoy myself. As much as I miss the especially warm weather and all the friends I made while I was there, it's really good to be back home.

Among the trip highlights:

-Going to Puerto Vallarta and having my luggage go off to Manzanillo, forcing me to wear the same clothes for three days straight (I have the most understanding travel companion in the world...either that, or she has a really deficient sense of smell)
-The clubs and the perpetual drunken haze
-Walks on the beach
-The Canopy Tour, in which we visited the jungle set of the Schwarzenegger film Predator.

Some of the stuff I coulda done without:

-Having my luggage delayed for two nights
-That horrible hangover on the first night we were there
-Completely arbitrary pricing of souvenirs from the downtown market merchants, which seems to be based on the tourist's understanding of Spanish
-That nasty insect bite I received on my back (which STILL hasn't cleared)

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Postcards from Peurto Vallarta, Luggage in Manzanillo

As I write this, I am stationed at the business centre at the Holiday Inn in Peurto Vallarta, Mexico, with a really dodgy internet connection. Attempts to upload files and graphics have yielded error messages and this is costing me 35 pesos for half an hour of service, which will be up in about ten minutes.

As the title implies, I have gone two days without changes of underwear as my luggage went to Manzanila while I touched down in Peurto Vallarta. Given the number of extra trips my baggage took, it was inevitable that stuff decided to sprout legs and walk away. As a conesquence, my underwear and sock supply has been reduced by 50%, which included a pack of boxer briefs that were purchased specifically for this trip (that, and they were getting a little worn out anyway). Who the hell steals underwear (unfortunately, the question mark key doesn't seem to work on this keyboard).

Stinky clothes notwithstanding, I have been enjoying myself, but photos and pictures of the trip are pending my arrival in Vancouver this Sunday. Given the dodginess of the connection (and the fact that the keyboard is configured for Spanish use), I'm unable to upload photos.

Weather is beautiful, wish you were here.
Vince

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"With the new tri-bladed razor system, you take one stroke, it takes three!"

Through the magic of Hollywood, I am able to become a person who is 200 pounds and 6' tall. No, I didn't put on a fat suit and I wasn't put on the Hollywood training program. I was what's referred to as a photo double. This is done when an actor with a speaking role has no lines or closeups, but their character's presence is somehow required. To save costs, a photo double is used to stand in for the actor, as they are typically paid significantly less than an actor.

Being that the character in question ("Jose") was blown to smithereens in the previous scene (and hence, would not have anymore speaking lines), I was called in to stand in for him. Upon closer inspection of the actor' s photo, the resemblance is difficult to see. For starters, the actor in question is Hispanic, while I am Asian. Plus, I have significantly more facial hair (which was promptly trimmed to match...sort of). And on top of that, the guy outweighs me by about fifty pounds.

This was all done for the locally shot action flick, Rogue, starring Jet Li and Jason Statham. Given the fact that my face is not shown in close up, no one will probably notice anyway. As it is, my head is halfway sticking into a hole in the wall. But, I can think of worse ways to make $20/hour.

I still remember the last time I played a bloodied corpse. I was helping out an indie filmmaker with his short film, Waterfalls, in which I was playing Dead Asian Gangster #5 (listed in the credits as "Betrayed #5"). Not having time to shower, I just went on public transit as is. I had the whole row of seats all to myself. I probably shoulda gone into the nearest drug store and asked for a single bandage.

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I call it the Rubik's Cube for masochists.

Between job applications, one-off gigs, and freelance writing/design assignments, I have a stupid amount of free time, which allows me to pursue other interests.

I had a Rubik's Cube when I was a wee lad, but with my attention span being the way it was, my idea of solving it involved re-arranging the stickers. By extention, given the shortness of my attention span at the time, only on rare occasions would I be able to arrange the stickers in the proper colour configuration.

While the Rubik's Cube was long-lost to moving and transitions from childhood to adolescence (either that, or I just left it somewhere and forgot where I put it), I eventually discovered something called a Square-1, a variation on the Rubik's Cube. While it is constructed in three layers (similar to the Rubik's Cube), the vertical layer is offset at an angle. As a result, the configuration will not always be in a cube shape. With my attention span still shredded (and then attending film school, which left me no spare time whatsoever), my idea of solving it didn't involve rearranging the stickers (it would be pointless, given the variable shape of the puzzle), but entering the data into a computer program, after which it would give instructions on how to solve it.

A few years later, I rekindled my interest in cube puzzles and then purchased a whole whack of them from Mefferts.com and Rubiks.com. Many of them sat on the shelf and collected dust until the past few weeks, where I downloaded all of the necessary guides from the internet and actually learned how to solve them.

The Pyraminx (manufactured by Mefferts) is one of the first 3D puzzles made. As it only has four sides (hence, "Pyraminx"), This can be solved in about 12 or so moves. I remember bringing it to an interpersonal communications class on the last day of classes, as our assignment was to do an oral presentation on interpersonal communications and to bring along a metaphor. I solved the Pyraminx in under 10 seconds, while I held up a Rubik's Cube, unable to solve it. My rationale for the metaphor was that solving a puzzle such as the Pyramix will often leave one side happy ("solved") while the other side dissatisfied ("unsolved"). But, with proper technique and practice, one can maintain balance between sides and have a positive outcome.

In the class held the hour before, one of my classmates mixed up the Rubik's Cube, thinking I knew how to solve it. I didn't at the time. Another classmate mused, "You mixed up his metaphor!"

The Rubik's Cube is the one everyone knows and loves (or hates). The solving record is under 15 seconds. It took me about a week to memorize all of the steps one needs to solve it (start with top edges, then corners, then middle edges, then bottom corners, then edges) and it takes me around 2 minutes to solve it.

The Megaminx is particularly challenging, considering that it has 12 sides. As the version I got had stickers that were already falling off, I elected to custom paint it instead, which eliminates the ability to re-arrange the stickers. Unfortunately, given the panels, if the faces aren't perfectly aligned when turning, pieces tend to pop off. I can't solve the puzzle without it falling apart in my hands, so it stays on the shelf.

The Professor's Cube (pictured) is considered a harder variant, although it's not so much as more difficult as it simply takes more time to solve. Since it has 5 layers (as opposed to Rubik's 3 layers), it requires many more steps. However, once one figures it out, you do not actually need to memorize specific steps to arrange the pieces (at least in the earlier steps). The current official record is under 2 minutes. It takes me about half an hour. Because the version I have utilizes permanently glued-on plastic tiles, one does not have the option of re-arranging the stickers. What makes this puzzle harder is the mechanics. Two versions are manufactured, one by Mefferts/East Sheen and the other by Rubik's. The Rubik's version is notoriously fragile (they actually sell replacement parts on their website), while the Mefferts/East Sheen version uses a superior mechanism, which is more durable, but tends to jam up.

Apparently, Rubik's is in the process of designing and manufacturing a 6-layered cube. Given the fact that it would be 6 layers by 6 layers by 6 layers, I suppose that would quite figuratively make it the Rubik's Cube from hell.

I seriously need a girlfriend.

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Under most normal circumstances, I would probably welcome a shorter working day, but considering that I don't have anything better to do otherwise (and I really need the time to get my stuff done), I'd prefer to have the time.

And then some dullard decided to phone in a bomb threat.

While doing a one-off gig for UBC Applied Research and Evaluation Services, I was working away at my latest ***** **** ******** (censored by order of Non-Disclosure Agreement) when I was called into the meeting area for an emergency meeting.

"We're all getting a raise, right?" I quip.

Not exactly.

As we gather around, we quickly learn that somebody phoned in a bomb threat. Given the very convenient timing of this event, this is something that UBC deals with on a regular basis, especially during final exams (they did the same thing in the movie Road Trip). The RCMP is confident that this is merely a hoax, but no one really can afford to take a chance on this one, especially if it turns out to be real.

I remember the last bomb threat on campus. This was about the spring of 2001, when I was an extra on the set of Stark Raving Mad. As parts of the film were shot at the Chan Center Building for the Performing Arts at UBC, when they called in the bomb threat, everyone had to evacuate the building. That was a good thing because they actually paid us for the time we spent waiting for them to clear the building.

But anywho, the RCMP supposedly searched the buildings and found nothing, and then downgraded the threat, but we still vacated the offices at 3:30. That cost me an hour worth of productivity. I'm wondering if someone's done a study on how much money is lost to hoax bomb threats annually just because one student felt that he or she needed more time to study for a final exam.

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In memoriam:
Victor Pui-Kay Yim,
July 5th 1937-April 16th 2004

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For the past week and a bit, my laser printer has told me that it's running out of colour toner, namely yellow, cyan, and magenta. The main reason why I decided to get a colour laser printer was due to the fact that inkjet printers tend to burn through cartridges much faster, and are by extention more expensive to maintain.

This is referred to as the "razor and blades" business model, in which a relatively inexpensive peripheral requires the purchase of consumable products. In this case, the printer cost is negligable until you factor in the consumable ink. As well, clauses within the warranty indicate that using ink and toner "not recommended by the manufacturer" will void the warranty.

Which brings us back to the story. According to the diagnostic tools bundled with the printer, I am down to less than 1% toner in the colour cartridges, which means that i only have 8 pages left, based on a 12.5% page coverage. After a few quick phone calls and searching the 'net, I determine that replacement cartridges will cost around the nighbourhood of $99.99 USD + conversion if ordered directly from HP, while they don't seem to be available from outlets such as London Drugs.

So, I call up the local toner refiller shop and they'd be willing to refill preexisting cartridges for $99/throw. Noting that I still have "8 pages left," I decide to burn off as much toner as possible by printing up numerous copies of my Major Studio Production cover. About 30 or 40 pages later, I still have "8 pages left."

I really don't know who I'm supposed to believe at this point. Given the number of shenanigans that computer printer companies have been known to play with consumers, this doesn't really surprise me at all. My printer is equipped with 2000-sheet capacity colour cartridges, of which, it has only printed about 700-some odd pages. Even after 30-40 pages on the "8 pages left" status, there is no deterioration in image quality.

Methinks I still have several months to go before it actually starts running out of toner. Considering that I haven't been doing tons of colour printing and it's been running for less than a year, there's really no reason for this at all.

And then I discovered a company that sells compatible catridges (4000-sheet capacity) at $89/throw, shipping included. And they're local too. I'm going with them when my printer toner goes for real.

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With school officially over and done with, having handed in my final assignment on Friday, I am summarily tossed out into the cold and scary world of job seeking and student loan repayment. But at least I still have access to the Print Futures work room.

Speaking of which, hey, all three colour cartridges of toner are on their way to emptiness on my printer.

All things considered, though, life is good, although I'm too busy fighting the crack-addicted den mother of all colds to notice. I've been coughing up all sorts of crap slimy and salty, like I haven't been able to get over a cold that I caught in February. So, either it's the same cold, or I've caught three different cold viruses and wasn't immune to any of them.

So, I'm quasi-employed at this moment -- freelance writing assignments still need to be handed in (more than likely for Monday, I'm-a-thinking), although I know I have more coming up (one local filmmaker wants me to cover his next film in August). I still have to go through Craigslist and Jeff Gaulin to see what's out there (I'm in the process of de-stressing right now...that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it).

However, I did my first small payment for my work just last Saturday. As part of my program graduation, my peers and colleagues all present their portfolios to prospective employers. As everyone has an individual table, they have little giveaways like business cards and resumes. Not to be outdone, I self-published about a hundred comic books, all printed on double-sided 8.5x11" paper, folded in half, and stapled. Being that it only cost printer toner and paper, I decided to try my hand at selling these to local comic book shops. I made one sale to RX Comics on Main and Broadway and I currently have two copies on consignment at The ComicShop on W. 4th in Vancouver.

So, my next step is self-promotion. There are more shops in town that I need to approach, plus there is an upcoming comic book convention in June which I would like to attend as a guest. Additionally, there is a show on CiTR radio called InkStuds, which is about comic books.

Right now, I'm upgrading my skill set by teaching myself Adobe Illustrator CS2, having continued to milk my student status by purchasing a piece of software that normally retails for $1200 for just over $300. Yes, I purchased Adobe Creative Suite 2, which gives me access to Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, and Acrobat. Sure, I could find the fell-off-the-back-of-a-truck version and use that money to buy more important things like paper and toner, but this way I know I support the hard-working folks at Adobe who need the money to support their caffeine addictions.

Now it's back to work for me.

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Ronica and Bianca doing "Whatta Man" by Salt n' Pepa


Yours Truly and Alyne doing "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence feat. Paul McCoy


Bianca and Lisa doing "I Feel Good" by James Brown


Kat doing "Hotel California" by The Eagles

The final Thursday night Public Relations class was marked by yet another night of karaoke, thanks to the fine folks at Scruffy McGuire's. Having long since ditched the last creepazoid karaoke guy in favour of a guy who doesn't monopolize all the microphone time by dedicating ad nauseum renditions of "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down, we essentially owned the mic that night, from horrid renditions of "She Bangs" by Ricky Martin (done in the style of William Hung) by Yours Truly to the ultimate group song, "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.

I'm really, really going to miss you guys. All of you guys.

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It's official. I have officially conquered the need for sleep.

It's been argued by many people in many places that I probably shouldn't be drinking coffee. By some definitions (i.e.: those that are really quick to push psychoactive medications), I probably display some symptoms of ADHD (see archives for more details). Indeed, I probably talk a lot faster than I should, am a lot more high strung than I should be, and I'd probably be a really bad wreck if I started drinking coffee more regularly.

I've developed a taste for coffee over the past couple of years, mostly black. However, since $2/cup isn't really doing it for me, I figured it would be more cost effective to just make it myself and bring it in a travel mug. Since Thursday morning, when I received my shiny, brand new Braun KF 600 Impressions Coffee Brewer (it comes with a Brita Filter), I'll be able to do that.

I can say that I've never gone overboard to the point that I was twitching and getting caffeine headaches from withdrawl. If I do get hopped up over anything I drink, the worse I've ever gotten was from a watermelon flavoured Slurpee. Slurpees have inordinately high sugar content, which can really, really mess up with your body chemistry and boost your level of aggression. And this substance is LEGAL.

I still remember a pick-up game of basketball played with a friend, when I was so hopped up on sugar that when I went for the jump ball, I put one hand on his chest and shoved him to the ground before I grabbed the ball. I got the technical foul, needless to say.

I actually find that it increases my ability to concentrate and I can get significantly more done in a shorter amount of time when I have a cup or two inside of me.

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We have become far too dependent on technology these days, which seriously underscores how far up shit-creek we will become in the event of a total collapse of social infrastructure.

Case in point: over the past five days, I have had two pieces of technology spontaneously go kaput on me. First, my iPod goes down. No major loss, as I can't exactly use it to do my homework. Mind you, my workouts at the gym have been subjected to listening to a bunch of crap music piped through the gym speakers, but considering the added time and expense (thankfully covered by Apple and Hewlett-Packard), it's something I'd rather do without.

And then my computer spontaneously goes piff. While plugging in my USB flash drive in an attempt to get some work done, the computer just freezes all of a sudden. No longer responding to keystrokes, I reset it. Assuming that the hard drive has overheated, I turn it off and leave it to sit overnight, then try again. Still nothing.

This is somewhat remeniscent of my last computer, which had a hard drive failure that occured slowly over the course of several months, giving me plenty of warning time. Today, after sending it to the shop, a quick diagnosis reveals that either the motherboard or the CPU has spontaneously bitten the dust. This is somewhat good news, as this means that I don't have to go back and reinstall of those programs while kicking myself for not backing up my programs and documents. But either way, I'm out a couple hundred bucks for replacing either the CPU or the motherboard. Dammit.

The problem with a lot of technology is that impending failure is not indicated with compromised performance or whatever (eg: stuff takes longer to load, tends to overheat, etc.). Instead, it'll just spontaneously go under, just like that.

As a result, I am now typing this on my mom's computer and I'm in the process of hooking up my hard drive, but but probably shouldn't boot up from it, given the completely different computer configuration (much slower CPU and graphics card, to name two).

Which means, technically, I don't have an excuse for missing deadline. Double dammit. But at least I got an extention. But I'm still gonna have to do all this crap at school.

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In a previous installment, I was talking about karaoke and my said addiction to it, being the first one out of the group to jump up to the mic and sing ("Wonderful World" by Louie Armstrong, FYI). While I can't really claim to the best singer out of the whole bar (that honour goes to Joel), I have as much fun as the rest of them. Regardless of how badly I might sing or how bad the song is to begin with (previous nights had me singing "At a Medium Pace" by Adam Sandler and "My Ding-A-Ling" by Chuck Berry), I make sure I give it my all, so I have no regrets.

Tonight for instance, I sang "I Get Around" by The Beach Boys and made a point of dancing on top of one of the tables to emulate a surfboard. Being that the previous week, my group and I had a 90's theme night (my songs: "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice, "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred, "About a Girl" by Nirvana), this week we went with the 60's and 70's.

And then we got the guy who ran karaoke night fired. I didn't quite get to "Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison or "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf. This has a long and complicated history. While I'm not usually one to slag a person through the mud and kick them when they're down, if you're gonna pull shit like this, you deserve whatever you get as a consequence.

One of the people in my group attracted a little unwanted attention by the person who runs karaoke night. It started out okay at first, although after a while it got kinda weird. While we could excuse the fact that he consistently sang the same three songs over and over again while everyone else is waiting for their chance to sing (FYI, it's "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who, "Losing My Religion" by REM, and "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down).

And then when this guy volunteered to escort her to the Skytrain platform and then got a little too..."friendly" a few weeks ago, things got weird. And then he started dedicating "Here Without You" to her. Two weeks in a row. "By request," as he kept saying. Uh...no it isn't.

The head bartender started noticing little things, like the fact that we actually sat far and away from our usual spot (although we actually did so because one of the non-regulars decided to join us for a drink). Plus, he noticed the fact that the karaoke guy dedicated the song to her for the second time, coupled with the fact that the friend in question decided to move well out of line-of-sight when "Here Without You" came on. So, he came up to us and wanted to know how many songs we had left to sing. I had about three more I requested, while everyone else at the table had at least one more song each.

The bartender approached the karaoke guy about this and needless to say, he isn't going to be doing karaoke anymore. At least not at Scruffy's. My $0.02? I feel sorta bad, although not for the guy in question. If I do feel bad, it's for not doing or saying something earlier.

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According to a recent article on United Press International, 10% of telecommuters work in the nude. I haven't decided if this is a good thing or not, although it's at least not as bad as what I initially thought it to read...I first misread it as "10% of telemarketers work in the nude." I'm wondering if this elevates those annoying calls you get during dinner time to obscene phone calls.

In previous posts, I have referred to working at home as "Work at home in your underwear and don't bother to shower or shave day," although that's where I draw the line. Maybe because I'm severely lacking in body hair, I can't really go sans clothing for very long periods of time, especially since it ain't exactly temperate climate outside of the walls that surround me.

According to the article, people feel that they are more productive when working at home, and that their supervisors agree with them. This sorta makes sense...the two or three hours that you lose stuck in rush hour traffic could easily be put to better use. But on the other hand, there was the problem with "Casual Fridays," which actually led to a decrease in office productivity.

Maybe it's from the years of slumming it in t-shirts and jeans that I actually feel more comfortable in a shirt and tie, although at least I look more professional, if anything else.

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Does this sound right to you? The UK newspaper The Independent has unearthed documents from 1955 that detail the plans of the BBC in the event of a nuclear strike. According to the article:

Just before the first missiles had reached Britain, the BBC was to use regional centres in Birmingham, Sheffield, Bristol and Middlesbrough to broadcast a national service that the Government hoped would create "a diversion to relieve strain and stress".

As long as they don't start playing "We'll Meet Again" by Vera Lynn, I guess it might work, although I think it's safe to say that people would only be pacified for so long before they figured out what's going on. But then, considering that this is from the same era that brought us Duck and Cover, I suppose we shouldn't really be surprised.

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The hills of Cypress.


Can you see me?


"The scenery! Get the scenery!"


"WARNING: Do not cross beyond ski area boundary ropes at any time! Grave injury, hypothermia and death occur beyond the ski area boundary! Do not follow anyone beyond the ropes!"

The conditions were great, the snow was fresh and soft, and the chairlift kept breaking down. When getting up to the top of one hill, a little kid got hurt getting off of the chairlift, so they had to shut it down for a minute or two. But, just to rub salt in the wound, as I'm going down the hill, I call up to the people high up on the chairlift: "Hey, the guy at the top said it'd be another five hours."

Am I a bastard or what?

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With the Canadian federal election over and done with, I am proud to say that I have done my civic duty and cast my vote. In the Fleetwood-Port Kells riding, there was less than 2% votes between Conservatives and Liberals, translating to just over 800 votes between the two. Given the fact that there was a 60.2% voter turnout, that leaves out 29, 835 registered voters that didn't make a contribution. This could have had a very different turnout if those people actually got off their asses for a few minutes.

As Canadians, we're born complainers. Allegedly, there was a higher voter turnout altogether, given the chance to vote in a new government. For those who didn't actually vote, they don't really have the right to complain about what the government does, because hey, they had their chance to.

Mandatory voting might be a good idea. But then, some could consider it to be infringing on the democratic process. I think it's a good idea up to a point. But on the other hand, according to one source, Australia (who has had mandatory voting since 1924) has a large number of spoiled ballots, either in the form of protest votes or from recent immigrants who didn't understand the voting process (but then, why are they voting in the first place?). As it stands, voting should be an informed decision.

Given the new minority Conservative government, a lot folks seem to think it spells the Americanization of Canada, with Stephen Harper playing patsy to George Bush and selling off our country bit by bit. But don't blame me. I voted for Kodos.

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It's my latest addiction.

Oh, God, help Me.

Like clockwork, Thursday night, as my evening class winds down, I find myself in the company of my classmates in Scruffy McGuire's pub and grill on Karaoke night, belting out tune after off tune, successfully forgetting everything I learned during music class in elementary school, as the teachers turned what's supposed to be a beautiful art form into a chore.

Some people have a specific approach. For one, Glen, the host, consistently chooses "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who and "Losing My Religion" by REM. Joel, another regular (also a student at Douglas College), consistently chooses "At Last" by Etta James, "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston, "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers, and "My Immortal" by Evanescence.

Karaoke night brings out all types, from the guys who have a garage band, to the professionally trained opera singers that just happen to be on a night out, to the people who really should not be behind a microphone, but do it anyways because everybody is already drunk out of their trees.

I don't think I have a particularly good singing voice, which is why I make a point of picking songs that are already considered poorly sung, or songs that I repeatedly sing in the shower or while I'm in the car. Unfortunately, this list of songs is getting progressively shorter and shorter as I make my way through the song book.

On average, I can usually pull out about three songs per night, more if it happens to be particularly dead. But, it gives me a good idea of what songs are particularly easy to do and have really hard-to-hit high notes. I try to avoid repeats whenever possible, although if I get particularly good response out of a particular song, I'll keep it in mind for next time.

My combined set list of all songs sung so far (off of memory):

1. "Wonderful World" by Louie Armstrong. This song is much easier after a few swigs of beer, as mimicking L. Armstrong's vocals can be pretty hard on the throat.
2. "My Ding-A-Ling" by Chuck Berry. Apparently, not a lot of people request this one. I wonder why. Nevertheless, it's a crowd pleaser.
   
3. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot. If you don't know the words to this one, the words on screen are very hard to keep up with. I only know up to "My homeboys try to warn me / but that butt you've got makes me so horny."
   
4. "Black" by Pearl Jam. Fairly simple track, although I always screw up that one line before "Now the air I've tasted and breathed as taken a turn."
5. "She Bangs" by Ricky Martin. This one's a lot of fun because I do it in the style of William Hung, the infamous American Idol reject. Just speak with the most blatant Chinese accent and start off with, "You know I have no formal training, but I give it my all and I have no regrets." Gets 'em all the time.
   
6. "Put Your Lights On" by Carlos Santana with Everlast. This one's fairly easy as it doesn't require a huge vocal range.
7. "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. This one works best when you have at least three people on the mic, but they only have two mics at once. This one also requires a higher vocal range.
   
8. "Fell In Love With a Girl" by the White Stripes. This one requires a higher vocal range and my voice cracks when I try to hit them.
9. "Creep" by Radiohead. Thom York incorporates a falsetto voice during some parts, which can be tough to mimic, plus the part, "Run, run, run" is challenging if you can't hit the notes naturally.
   
10. "Come Sail Away" by Styx (as performed by Eric Cartman from South Park). This one is tons of fun, although imitating the voice is hard on the throat (see entry #1). The words on screen also tend to go out of sync with the music. If no one applauds, finish it by saying, "Screw you guys, I'm going home!"
    
11. "Date Rape" by Sublime. A really fun song to sing and doesn't need a huge vocal range, but the words go by very quickly. You will need to know this one by heart because the words tend to go out of sync with the song.
    
12. "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" by Monty Python. This one's a fun one to do...just do your best fake British accent. However, the spoken word parts towards the end are difficult to time unless you know those parts by heart.
13. "I've Got You Under My Skin" by Frank Sinatra. Sinatra doesn't incorporate a wide range of vocals, which makes this a fairly easy pieace to do.
14. "Plush" by Stone Temple Pilots. Another rock song, this one's a little more challenging because of the vocal range required. ("Whe-en the dogs to find her...")
    
15. "Santeria" by Sublime. This is a great song, although requires a larger vocal range than "Date Rape."
    
16. "Stand by Your Man" by Patsy Cline. I try to do this one Blues Brothers style, and start it off with, "We play BOTH kinds of music. Country AND Western." Another crowd pleaser.
    
17. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day. Not a hard song to sing, but my voice sounds even worse over the PA system with this song. I can't explain why.
18. "At a Medium Pace" by Adam Sandler. This song has some really sexually explict lyrics (sample: "Push it in and out at a medium pace"), but given the comedic nature of the song, it's almost expected that you butcher the vocals for it. There are some high notes which I can't hit, but this one's a crowd killer. Just don't expect to get a lot of phone numbers in the pub after singing this one. For bonus points, try getting someone to act out the parts of the song for you.
19. "It's Been A While" by Staind. This one's pretty easy.
    
20. "Mrs. Robinson" by Simon & Garfunkel. This one usually works best if you're doing it in pairs and if you can tone down the voice a little bit. Big booming rockstar vocals do NOT work for this song.
    
21. "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis vs. JunkieXL. I don't actually know the words to this one, plus he tends to mumble really fast during some parts of the song.

There are several songs which I'd like to attempt, but only if I can attempt a different spin on it. I almost managed to convince one of my classmates to do "I've Got You Babe" by Sonny and Cher, only I'd be doing it Beavis & Butt-Head style ("We need a chick...huh-huh...we need a chick who has tattoos on her butt..." "Yeah, we need one of those chicks.").

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I gotta say, when rereading what I wrote about one year ago, I'm pretty disappointed.

(from archives, January 1, 2005)

1: Improve myself socially. Action plan: be more aware of the way I am perceived by others and work to change that; stand up for myself more often; take a lot less crap from people; learn to choose my battles much more carefully.

Result: B-. I stand up for myself more often, am well aware of the opinion of others (i.e.: it ain't as high as I'd like), and am more than willing to drop people if they aren't worth my time. On the other hand, I started becoming a lot more confrontational (especially with people who inconsiderately use their cellphones in the theatres) and starting to have a lot more smart-ass moments under the pretense of trying to be funny. Not good.

2: Improve myself culturally/intellectually. Action plan: set aside 15 minutes a day to read a book not related to school; indulge in less cultural junk food (video games, comic books, action movies); do something culturally/intellectually stimulating at least once a month (eg: go to museum, see a foreign film or a documentary).

Result: D. I rediscovered Diablo II. I was only able to read about four books from cover-to-cover (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by JK Rowlings, Jennifer Government by Max Barry, Porno by Irvine Welsh, and Battle Royale by Koushun Takami). I gave up half-way through JRR Tolkein's The Two Towers and I'm struggling through Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. Only saw ONE foreign film during the Vancouver International Film Festival (Tudo Azul, from Brazil).

3: Improve myself physically. Action plan: continue to exercise regularly and eat properly; bring along journal to keep track of progress of any gains; adjust exercise program at least once a month to avoid stagnation.

Result: B-. I've injured myself repeatedly through the year, mostly during Capoeira class (busted extendor tendon on finger, cut over left eye requiring stitches, overstressed left wrist, overflexed left ankle), and I started seeing a chiropractor regularly. I continually hit the gym and I started jogging to the gym instead of driving, but my endurance level is not there right now. And I still don't keep track of my gains.

4: Improve myself professionally. Action plan: complete education; get out of the house and meet more people and network more often; practice and improve time management skills.

Result: D. While I did manage to get a well-paying work experience position during the summer, I've been a baaaaaaad boy. I consistently nod off during class, I put off work until the very last second, I've burned at least one bridge by accident (got stressed and wasn't paying enough attention) and my work area is a complete mess. The only reason why I don't rate myself any lower is because I actually manage to get it all submitted in time.

It's been said that goals are repeatedly given up on because they are unrealistic or unattainable. Maybe I need to lower the bar a little bit, and then raise it slowly.

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Not to mention, I ran out of carrots.

Okay, coming up to the end of 2005, which has been without a doubt, a pretty weird year. Natural disasters fortelling the downfall of western civilization, soldiers losing their lives for oil, the looming energy crisis about to destabilize the world economy, and the environment getting worse, but for some odd reason, the human spirit marches merrily along, blissfully unaware of anything bad about to happen. I still haven't decided if I have hope or cautious optimimism for the year 2006, because there are still a lot of things that the powers that be aren't willing to divulge.

Sure, the year didn't suck nearly as much as the last for me (see archives for more details), but it's all a matter of perspective.

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So, my question is this: now why the HELL would I want to do a silly thing like that?

I have a (thankfully) uninteresting history with credit cards, having consistenly paid off my balance on a monthly basis since I received my very first credit card at the age of 16. I guess I'm a really good customer because they keep upping my limit whether I want them to or not. This can come in handy (let's just say my limit is sufficient to pay for a semester's tuition all in one go and leave it at that), it's really easy to abuse if I don't have my head on straight.

Stuff like this really tells me that credit companies do not have the best interests of the consumer in mind. I get one of these "payment optional" notices at least three or four times a year and in my opinion, it amounts to psychological mind games. Apart from the fact that your credit rating will likely take a hit, you will have to pay for interest in both cases. However, the effects of having your credit rating drop won't be felt immediately (unless you're planning on making a major purchase right away), whereas paying for interest is a little more immediate.

Interest payments are stupidly punishing. I remember paying off a Visa bill through the bank, but due to an error (on whose part, I don't know), the payment was shorted by $2. I was billed over $28 for interest payments, as the interest occured on the entire previous statement, not just the $2 owed. After enough complaining, the entire thing was reversed. Dumbasses.

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Givin' the finger to natural selection.

As I write this, my typing speed has been reduced by 25% as I attempt to adapt to a finger injury due to "Loss of extensor tendon continuity at the distal interphalangeal joint (DIPJ)" (source: eMedicine.com). This condition is known as mallet finger. I don't even know how this happened. All I remember was attempting to do a forward hand-spring and not quite landing it properly, and the next thing I know, I can't straighten my right ring finger. After leaving class early to have it checked by my MD, I am sent to two different medical supply stores to get myself splinted.

I'm gonna be like this for about three weeks (although many resources seem to indicate SIX weeks), which is going to make a lot of everyday tasks a real pain in the butt. And I'm supposed to be going snowboarding tomorrow too.

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For those following along and checking out my other blog/webcomic, Major Studio Production, will be aware of the fact that it was pulled from publication due to its controversial content. According to the managing editor, the executive decision was made to summarily pull the strip, citing that it was seen as offensive to veterans. What do you think? The following is a letter to the editor written in response to the decision to not run the strip, which was published in the November 16th issue of The Other Press (click on image to view full-size).

Considering the subject matter of The Other Press and the amount of leeway given to its contributors, Major Studio Production has found its ideal home. Having depicted a dead body mistaken for Halloween decoration (Oct. 26) and kids getting their eyes stabbed out with scissors (Oct. 19), I felt that it was time I made a serious political statement with the Remembrance Day strip. Reproducing iconic images of war atrocities, they were placed against a quote spoken on November 11, 1918, this being the first reference of World War I as the war to end all wars. Of course, given the images, that quote is truly ironic.

Yet, in a surprising display of restraint, the strip was not run in the last issue due to its controversial and potentially insensitive nature. So, was this the right decision?

Given what does get printed in The Other Press, this might be seen as a double standard. One only needs to see the controversial Sex Issue (Sept. 28) to get an idea of how crazy the material can get. Yet Remembrance Day remains an untouchable sacred cow. Recall just last week, where Conservative MP Stephen Harper is caught on tape complaining about the pin holding his plastic poppy. Everybody who purchases one will have problems keeping them on in some way or another, yet for some odd reason, this is newsworthy, and even potentially controversial.

As to whether I agree with the decision to not run the strip, I’m divided. Indeed, Remembrance Day is an important observance and we should all remember and be grateful for the sacrifices of our war veterans. Life in general would be drastically different if not for them. But clearly, the powers that be have not remembered the lessons of the past, as we find ourselves in a perpetual cycle of war and destruction.

I feel that Remembrance Day should not just be a day to remember the war veterans, as soldiers are never the only victims of war. The examples I picked out are a small sampling out of an excessively long history of war atrocities. Why shouldn’t we remember them too? As it is, it seems that anything with an anti-war slant (which the strip certainly is) is deemed as a slap in the face against our war veterans.

It appears that whether we point out that poppy pins fall out or that soldiers aren’t the only victims of war, our long adherence to tradition is preventing us from seeing the bigger picture.

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The Death of a Customer Service Provider

Is it just me, or has customer service in general really taken a nosedive as of late?

#1: Since finishing my contract with Rogers AT&T wireless back in June, I decided to change cellphone providers, having been offered a pretty sweet deal with Fido ($15 camera phone, $25/mo w/free voice mail and call display, free iPod Shuffle). So, I call them up on Saturday to get them to cancel my old plan. Lo and behold, the cancellation department isn't open on the weekends, so I have to wait until Monday to call.

Monday, the person on the other line is about to charge me a fee for breaking contract (usually $100+) and then I find out that there is a 30-day window between putting in a notice for cancelling a phone, for which I will be billed the time for a phone that I don't even want anymore. I raise a large enough stink and manage to convince them that the contract ended several months back, but I'm still paying for a month of phone service. Can someone please explain the logic behind this?

[ADDENDUM: Okay, so I find out that Bell Mobility forces a 30-day lag on cancellations too. Why isn't there more rioting in the streets?]

#2: Last November, I had my entire collection of DVDs stolen, which was being reimbursed through my insurance company. Allowing A&B Sound to handle my claim, I was slowly rebuilding my collection, trying to be a lot more discriminating when it comes to whatever DVDs I choose this time around (the best thing about having your DVDs stolen is that you get rid of a lot of crap that you have no intention of watching more than once).

Funny thing was that A&B Sound was in the process of changing hands, having declared bankruptcy protection. So, any claim that was filed prior to March 2005 was invalidated, although they were continuing to process claims as a "show of good will." All of a sudden, as of September 2005, these are summarily cut off. I contact my insurance adjuster and A&B's creditors (via KPMG) and they offer no recourse whatsoever.

Way to rebuild your customer base.

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I'm surprised that I haven't done this to my car yet!

I probably shouldn't be wasting my time on this crap when I actually have an assignment due tomorrow, but I gotta say, it beats the pants off of playing Xbox and watching TV. Just gotta wait until the paint fully cures on the Brazil phone and then I can apply a few layers of clear coat for that extra sheen (the green paint is a matte finish) and to maintain the appearance (Testor's model paint tends to absorb skin oils and get icky looking after a while).

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Mike "Big Daddy" Schindelka and yours truly ("Class Klutz, 1995")


Buncha people (Andrea King, Jeff Miller, Palmira Villareal, Tony Abramski)


L-R: Brandon Easton ("King of Outer Space, 1995"), JT Gasler ("Loudest, 1995"), Marie Sawchuck and Guest, Carlen Herbosa, Lynn Fontanella


Todd Hounsell (with the Mrs.), Angela Poss, Sandy Hammersmark (with the Mr.), Tania Decock ("Class Flirt: Female, 1995"), Kevin Tomyk, Jacques Fillion


Bryan DeLeon, Janice Vibar, Katherine Menesis ("Most Active, 1995")


Big Daddy behind the axe


Ted King cleans up


Tony Abramski, Danny Nootebos, Jayme Huppert


The organizer, Nicole Godin ("Queen of Outer Space, 1995")


Tabitha Colt, Tania Edwards, Mary-Anne Castro ("Most Athletic Female, 1995")


"F*** the surgeon general!" Tony Telan


Ryan Evans, Maureen Hetzler, Frank Harrington ("Best Dressed", 1995), Danny Nootebos


Ben Yu ("Class Rebel, 1995")


"Stellllaaaaaaaa!" Jen Alexander and Yours Truly


Bryan ("Most Likely To Come Back to Holy Cross and Teach") and Carla DeLeon


Mark Pacheco, bustin' a move


Jen Van Elslande and Heather Corrin


John and Heather Parent


"Pump up the jam...pump up the jam..." Front: John McLeod ("Most Athletic Male 1995"). Back (L-R): Katharine Menesis, Judith Appenzeller, Catherine McDonald.


Neil DiGuanco, Carlen and Jayme Huppert ("Best Couple, 1995")

Well, it came and went. The 10th year high school reunion was not as bad as I was expecting, people were surprisingly civil to each other, although old cliques still remain. The more things change, the more things stay the same. Unfortunately, a lot of the photos kinda suck (ie: severely out of focus, not framed properly, not exposed properly). Thank goodness that digital doesn't really cost anything.

Outside out a small handful of people, everybody was recognizeable (even after about three drinks). Some were successful, some were married, some were cagey on what they've been up to. Didn't have to tell anyone that I invented Post-It-Notes. And best of all, my major plastic surgery and radical weight loss plan panned out perfectly (inside joke, sorry).

Memorable moments:
-Ben Yu ("Class Rebel") giving the middle finger to Todd Hounsel (Student Council President) for no reason whatsoever while Todd was acknowledging the people that came from out of town (Ben came from Calgary, fyi).
-Leigh Turnbull almost taking out a lighting fixture when attempting a handstand on the dance floor.
-Performing a head-slide across the dance floor and NOT taking out a lighting fixture.
-Mike "Big Daddy" Schindelka opening up the dance floor with two rockin' blues numbers on guitar.
-The fact that most of the class actually remains recognizeable after 10 years.

See you all in ANOTHER 10 years after more wrinkles, bigger pot bellies, more grey hair, and farther receeding hairlines.

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"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
-Alexis "Urso do Cabeloduro" Mazurin, December 31, 2004

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Hey, folks. I just started up a new webcomic/blog as an archive for my first comic strip, Major Studio Production, as featured in the Douglas College student newspaper, The Other Press. The comic strip is done entirely using the program Microsoft Paint for an intentionally crude look. Styles and genres will be everything from social commentary to witty satire to juvenile toilet humour. Enjoy.

To read strips, click HERE

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