On yet another Valentine's Day that will likely spent by myself, I was seriously considering going into a rant into my frustrations on the dating and relationships, but it'd just come across as really bitter and depressing. So, instead, I'm digging up a previous gem and posting it for your pleasure.

The Top Ten Worst Valentine's Day Gifts Ever (revised)
(originally written for the Valentine's Day issue of Over the Edge in Feb. 1996)

10: A candle lit dinner for two...at McDonald's
9: A box of dead flowers from that guy you just broke up with
8: Personalized jewelry. That has someone else's name scratched off it
7: Red and white balloons filled with tear gas
6: A red and white teddy bear that says "I want to f*** you in the ass" when you squeeze its tummy
5: A Valentine's Day card that reads, "You will be my Valentine! You will! EVEN IF IT KILLS YOU!"
4: St. Valentine's dead rotted remains
3: A box of chocolates which are really chocolate covered laxatives reshaped into little heart shapes
2: Sexy underwear from some guy you don't really know, but he's been following you everywhere and leaving weird messages on your answering machine
1: A pair of handcuffs

Happy Valentine's Day to all of those who are fortunate to be with someone that they truly care for.

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